The Dreaded Mystery Rooms
by GodOVWar
Summary: Each Guy is stuck in a different room with a different effect on their own sanity.
1. Chapter 1

Jarem's room is divine. He had been stuck in this room for a whole day now. He had no idea how he had gotten there. He was all alone in his room. Alone with his thoughts. His hand puppets. His hand puppets' thoughts. . . . . He only knows the room as The Temple of the Divine Ladys. And he only knows that because all the creepy pictures of ladys spoke it to him. Whenever they speak his hand puppets go nuts. They only speak when they want to speak. Ofcourse not when Jarem wants them to. Must be a women thing. So there Jarem is alone in a room full of creepy paintings of ladys who stare at him all day from all around him. Thank the gods for the lonesome chandelier hanging in the middle of the room. If not for that The Temple of the Divine Ladys would drive his hand puppets to eat him. Then he would have his hands full. . . Literally. . . .

Lara's Room is known only as the Great Grottoes. It's more like a cave. She doesn't care. It doesn't phase her like it does Jarems hand puppets. Jarems lucky. He's getting scowled at by countless women. Lara gets dark smelly cold wet walls. But like I said she doesn't particularly care. In fact the only reason she isn't calmly reading the latest novel right now is because she can't rightly read in pitch black darkness. . . oh well for Lara. She'll have to deal with the Great Grottoes. Did you hear something? What is that noise?

Hercules' room is known as Fountain of the 2 Rivers. He's tried to get out. If anyone could get out it would be Herc. The fountain won't budge. and the rivers, which run from it, flow into the walls. Into nowhere. They just disappear through the walls. Well look at the bright side Herc won't dehydrate! He leans down for a drink out of the crystal clear fountain. He coughs and sputters as the water hits his tounge. Salty. Salty sea too bad. Seems Herc doesn't get a bonus after all. He can try fishing he supposes. Too bad there is no fish to fish. Muahah Not even Herc can drink from the fountain in the Fountain of the 2 Rivers.

Iolaus' room is the Royal Sanctuary of the Aged Illumination. Iolaus stopped paying attention a while ago. Paying attention is far too much work. He might of enjoyed all these royal blankets, and jewelry if he hadn't been sharing it all with an aged version of his cousin Orestes. Orestes would babble on about that gold goblet, then that silver woven tapestry. yadda yadda. Iolaus just wanted some Rabbit stew. Yeah! with some bread and cheese to go with it! And PIZZA! whats pizza? But NO. In all its weirdness, which Iolaus also stopped noticing, Orestes will not shut up. And when Orestes startd glowing that really pushed Iolaus over the top. But he just can't figure out the Royal Sanctuary of the Aged Illumination.

Ares' room is disturbing. It is the Caverns of the Living Maiden of Tri. Ares has more then one room. And take it from him that's nothing to gloat about. He tried. He couldnt keep it up after even 5 minutes. Every cavern he enters! Every single one! She is there. She just stares at him. simply stands and stares with big lost eyes. Ares has no sympathy for her. In fact he would acually like her being around if she would suddenly drop and worrship him. He can see thats not going to happen. Her name is Tri and she haunts Ares in the Caverns of the Living Maiden of Tri. Or is she living?

Ioluas II's room isn't a room. It's a valley. Better known as the Valley of the Everlasting Confusion. He acually has the worst of this so far. One minute he thinks he Is Drol, king of the valley! The next minute he thinks his is Filella, slave girl. Sometimes he even remembers he is Iolaus II. He is so confused. The valley has vast hills that spin and dip and float! It confuses him even more! He's rather just be locked in a room. Why does he have to be the confused one with all the hills and grass!? Because he is easy to confuse thats why! Now he thinks he is a rabbit. He munches clover in the Valley of the Everlasting Confusion. MMm yum Clover. He's certainly getting his greens.

Loki is in a small room called the Swamp of Smell . You'd think it would be big. just a room. Made of swamp. Loki is fairly mad. He has to sink slowly in his room while the others are free to walk! He just sinks. It smells bad! he blames Thor and Balder even though it obviously isn't them who smell. He thinks they do anyway. He hopes he sinks through and lands on their heads. Or atleast lands on someone! it would get some anger out atleast. He is halfway sunk through the Swamp of Smell.

Strifes stuck in mountains! Mountains of the Radiant Darkness. To state the obvious the darkness is very radiant here. Strife only notices obvoius things . He doesn't notice Lokis legs dangling in the middle of thin air. Nope i don't think he will ever notice that. He is now too busy noticing he is stuck here. Maybe he can make a living here and acually be a true God instead of a godling for once. nah. Too boring here. Though it's certainly dark enough in the Mountains of the Radiant Darkness.

Dahak is in the Glittering Hall. He curses this place time and time again. Glitter sticks to everything! He looks like a walking preschool art project! He curses preschool. He curses little Children. He curses his daughter just to test her even though now is not the time for that nonsense. ITS NOT NOSENSE! He's furious now. Sparkle sparkle sparkle the walls go. GAG GAG CURSE GAG he gos. This could go on forever in the Glittering Hall.

Snake is stuck at Del Red Park. It's a dumb park. Full of only him though. Noone else. Him and his cardboard box, and his machine gun, his grenades,land mines, missile launcher,pistol,C-4,matches,flame thrower,knife,and cameoflauge. Nope Del Red Park won't last a minute against David Hayter. He lets all his weapons loose. He is still stuck. Not a singed leaf. Or will it?

Lone ranger room is only a small cave called the Cave of Revelation. He thinks he has heard muffled curses coming from ther other side of one wall. He thinks it might be Lara. He has tried to make contact. He fails. The cave keeps bringing the revelataion of justice to him. He must get out and bring justice upon the land. justice. justice. justice. JUSTICEEEEE! He wonders if Lara can hear him in the Cave of Revelation. Can she atleast hear justice?

Tontos Room is simply named Pond. It's obviously him sitting in a pond. But unlike Strife Tonto doesn't notice obvious things. He notices things like how the word justice keeps rippleing in ringlets upon the water. Or how the algea mutates on the lily pad next to his knee. Or how the water vibrates as missile launchers go off in the far distance. Water seems to come from the wall filling his lonley pond which he doesn't notice. He does notice the water from the wall is quite salty. Which makes his pond salty. But Of course he doesn't notice the Pond.

All Jack knows is he is hog tied to the Monument of the Unknown Amazons. A bunch of women are dancing around him with torches of fire. He wants some rum. Atleast before they burn him or something else just as awful. kissing him would be nice. But from what he has figured that does not seem to be their intention. . . . rum? fire. . . Amazons? The Amazons will do as they wish to him on the Monument of the Unknown Amazons. . . . RUM!

Macgyver is in the Arena. There is a beast on the other side of the ring and he knows it. It has not been let out yet. And he cant see it. But he knows it's there. Maybe more then one. He is trying to build a weapon out of the items he has around him. Which is only sand. . . I guess he could throw sand in the beast face. Lets see how far that will get him in the Arena.

Balder is stuck in the Labyrinth. He keeps wandering in circles. For all he knows it is one big circle! Thorns,boulders,walls of concrete,quicksand and even mobs of homeless people block his path at every turn. He makes no progress. He does notice how good he smells. He smells like te smell of baking bread wafting through a warm spring day. MMMMMMMMMMM he smells so lovely. He wonders what Loki and Thor smell like right now. He shouldn't be wondering that. He should be wondering how to get out of this Labyrinth.

Thor is grudgingly stuck in the Square of the Ghostly Unicorn. Not only that. He is literally stuck on the unicorn. Like his butt is glued to its back! . . . not literally mind you. . . but still! And the worst part is that He smells like a muffin faerie hybrid all perfumed up! AND EVEN WORSE IS THAT HIS HAMMER IS OUT OF REACH! it is simply on the ground, but everytime he leans down to pick it up THE GOD FORSAKEN UNICORN DOES A FRILLY PRINCESS LEAP! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWW He will not give up. But eventually the unicorn prances daintily through the gardens. And Thor has no choice but to go along for the pretty ride, away from his manly hammer, and deeper into the Square of the Ghostly Unicorn.


	2. Chapter 2

Jarem still sits in his divine room. Though he is not on the floor anymore. He is up in the chandelier. His hand puppets insisted. . . . harshly. The chandelier swings dauntingly in back and forth. It might break. The hand puppets don't think about those kind of danger. But Jarem does. Jarems eyes are wide as his clings to the chandelier. Ironically he is clinging with his hand puppets. This must be one of Santa claws's plots against his soul. The Lady pictures still stare. Now all their eyes look up toward him. He has a feeling the ladys will continue to stare until he leaves. Will he ever leave? he hopes so. They are eerily quiet lately . . . too quiet. Jarem likes a hefty conversation but they will not speak to him anymore. Stubborn pictures. Now he just wants to get down from the ever swinging chandelier. Swing. Swing. Swing. Swingety Swing . . . . . Snap. . . .Oh Munches! The Ladys reach out their hands as the chandelier , along with Jarem and his hand puppets, crash to the floor.

Lara Can hear justice on the other side of the cave wall. Obvously some wacko is over there. Good thing she doesn't have a book. She couldn't read with all the racket. She wishes she had a racket though . . . then she could maybe find a way to beat him with it. She would love to find a relic or two. She's looked. But the Great Grottoes is too small to be hiding anything good. . . wait a minute. What is that? It's high up on the wall. The wall with the wacko behind it. Is it a relic? She jumps to reach it. She misses. She throws her pick axe at it. It tears a peice of it off. Lara picks the peice up. Its a cloth material. She lunges for it. Her finger tips brush the edge of it. It's stuck in the wall. She leaps one last time, graps it tightly. She hangs from it. It's almost as if someone is pulling the other end! Suddenly it tugs out. She lands hard on her butt and stares at the object in her hand. She's disapponted. . . . It's not a book.

It seems water may be able to flow through walls, but Hercules cannot. He's certainly passed some time attempting such impossibilities. Hercules' hair is stiff with salt. The fountain sprays everywhere, and Hercules face is no exception. The fountain is as big as Herc. Herc pushes on it with all his Herc strength. It mocks him by not budging. There is one thing Herc has not tried. Herc climbs up the fountain and sits his Herc butt on top. He blocks the water. The water can't get past the legendary Hercules butt. The fountain begins to shake and rumble. Hercules is satisfied with this. Herc feels water building up. He supposes there are two ways this could go. An exploding fountain. Or a splattered Herc on the ceiling.

***Rumble gurgle* *Gurgle gurgle Gag*** Iolaus wishes that were the sound of the annoying glowing old Orestes keeling over and dieing. . . . but it isn't. That sound is Iolaus's stomache. Iolaus is so hungry he could eat . . . he could eat . . . well he could eat a glowing Orestes! But he won't. Probably toxic or something. It's the glow. Iolaus searches for crumbs in the Royal sanctuary of aged illumination. He finds some black crusty stuff. He can't bring himself to even lick it. But he can almost bring himself to shove it down Orested throat. Yadda this YAdda THAT! ARGG- . . . Wait is that clover? in the corner there? see it? Iolaus sees it. Iolaus is going to get it!

Ares interrogates his prisoner. His prisoner is Tri. He got tired of her appearing in every room and staring endlessly. He knows he looks amazing but she was just being rude about it. So he hung Tri by her wispy dress over a cavern drop off. But that was only the first. She was still roaming the other two rooms. He brilliantly confined them also. He stuck the second Tri in a bone cage he managed to stumble upon. . . . literally . . . but don't ask because he isn't going to tell you about it. He then used his belt to shackle the third to a rock. Tri is like a zombie , you've gotta push her everywhere. She won't take her eyes of you either. He just finished interrogating the second. He turns and the third is staring into his face. He jumps back, though he wont admit it. . . She holds his belt up expressionless. He growls. He wants that back and he wants it back NOW.

Drol leads his imaginary men into battle! Iolaus II plows down the whooping hills on his make believe horse with his make believe sword waving in the wind. Filella washes her imaginary masters clothes in an all too real river. Doesn't Iolaus II realize he is utterly alone? and he's waving his puppet stick? and hes washing his own clothes? doesn't he realize he's naky? NO he doesn't because he is confused. Everlastingly. But he never did realize that he had such a liking for clover. Mmmm yummmm. Iolaus II is suddenly angry. Someone else is eating his clover! MY CLOVER Drol yells. Drol will kill whoever dare eats HIS clover. Right after Filella washes a few more items. And the rabbit has a little snack. Munch Munch Munch. Clover is good.

Loki is merely a head now. A head in a swamp. A smelly Head. He doesn't like that fact. But it's a fact nontheless. He kicks violently hoping to smack down the idiot who dares poke him in the leg! How dare they! how undignifying this is! And is that baking bread he smells?! It's definatly not coming from the swamp. Or his own stinky self. Loki smiles smugly. His foot made contact with someones face he's sure of it! Sure felt like a face. But he isn't smiling for long. The swamp is sucking his face in now. The only good thing is that he can finish off the idiot down below.

Strife had finally noticed the obvious. Hey it's dark here! radiantly so. He pokes relentlessly at the leg which dangles. Oh now the leg is kicking!Both the legs are kicking! Maybe he should zap them. Or hang on them. He bets the legs wouldn't like that too much! Strife approaches. The leg kicks out and Smacks Srifes Butt. Strife sprawls onto the ground. He's annoyed at the legs! what would his uncle do to the legs? ZAP THE LEGS. Strife prepares to zap the legs with all hes got! Which isn't that much. . . Too bad he hasn't noticed the obvious exit right next to him. The Exit out of the Mountains of the Radiant Darkness. Its closing ITs ITS . . . it's gone. Too bad.

There is a Shimmering gold object in the middle of the Glittering Hall. It is moving furiously back and forth. It is Dahak. His robe, once black, is now so sparkling gold it is blinding. To mortals that is. He thought about throwing his robe out! but where would he throw it? into more glitter! He could bury a town in all this glitter! He would burn his robe, but then the glitter will be on his bare skin and his furiosity won't be able to be contained. The world is not ready for that. The world is not ready for the GLITTERING DAHAK! HE DOES NOT WANT TO BE KNOWN BY THAT NAME! The Glittering hall Explodes in a shimmering shower of Sparkles.

This park is too peaceful now that Snake has stopped throwing every weapon he has at it. The old grandmas walk by and never notice him throwing his six grenades at that bird nest there, or him setting up his land mine under the park bench here. NO they just walk their chihuahuas on by without a care. Snake has stopped careing he realized they act like him and his weapons dont exist he started doing whatever he felt like. Note the activitys above . . . He army crawls up to the park fountain. He army crawls around it. He army crawls ten feet from it. He army crawls into it. He cannot escape! But he's snake. He'll find a way. Why is the fountain shaking?

Lone Rangers voice is worn out from shouting justice to the other side of the wall. He hopes Lara got the message after 5 straight hours. . .Nonstop. . .But the revelation keeps coming. It surges through him giving him voice to one last yell of justice. He whips off his hat, Yells JUSTICE! with all his might, And throws his hat through the air. Oops it seems his hat has lodged in the wall. He reaches up and tries to pull it out. Wow this is one stuck hat! Almost as if someone is pulling back . . . In the name of justice he lets go. His hat disappears through the wall. . . eh . . . he'll get a new one.

Tontos room is almost full. Full of water. The pond will reach the ceiling very very soon. He doesn't notice his almost full pond. He's too busy watching one very hefty ripple of justice move across the water. That was the biggest one yet. The water from the walls is still coming strong. But there is a rumble. The water stops coming. The pond was about to drown him. Only his bird was above. . . do not anger the bird. The water is draining out. draining away for good. Tonto is wet, but his bird is very dry. It is not a pond anymore. Not that he ever noticed it. Where did all that water go? He silently feeds his bird some birdseed.

Jack never got any rum . . . He is till hog tied on the statue. The statue is now moving though. All the Amazons have picked it up and are charging something. Some big gate thing. He hopes there is rum in there. Then this might be worth it. . . Might be. The Amazons wave their torches around. Mighty close to his face if you ask him. They ram the Statue with him on it through the big gate thing. And charge at some spec in the non too far distance. But they stop. They turn. There is a flood of pond water racing through the gate after them. That is not a good thing. Savvy?

Macgyver has his meager fistfull of sand aimed and ready. The door burst open. And what? A bunch of women? Is that what this is about? Wait . . . these women are not stopping. . . and they have a big statue with a uhh. . . another women maybe? hog tied to it. Mac drops his sand when he realizes whats behind them. They seem to have realized it too. Mac doesn't think the sand will save him now. Not that it would of done much in the first place. He knows better then that mind you. Him and his sturdy little mullet will be ready for this.

Balder has run into dinosaurs, broken bridges, lava pits, spikes, and chainsaw weilding hags. At every turn there is something lurking! This is no place for a god of healing. Or is it? What is that awful smell! He leans next to a slimy wall. Ugh he must berid of that disgusting swamp smell! He sends his aura of baking bread through a teeny crack in the wall. Atleast he can fix one thing while he's here. Hopefully noone is stuck in that swamp on the other side. He'd feel bad for them. They would smell just plain awful. poor soul. . . Now about that Hag with the chainsaw behind him. Yes he knew she was there. He might not be able to heal his way out of this one.

GO BACK FOR MY HAMMER YOU UPSTART MUTATED GOOD FOR NOTHING FREAK OF NATURE HORSE! They had been prancing on the rainbow, jumping over the moon, and riding the tea cups for hours! And just when he managed to get near his hammer once again. . . . THAT GODFORSAKEN LEAP! And you think it couldn't get worse? Well i'll tell you it got worse once the Gold glitter started raining down upon the land covering everything within sight, Including Thor, the unicorn, AND HIS HAMMER. It Certainly was a whole heck of a lot WORSE. He hopes the unicorn is blinded. . . so he can sneak a grab at his hammer. . . just one little grab . . . ohh there it is! He reaches, it lifts up. . . Thor hasn't even touched it yet! Some gold shimmering monster is making off with his hammer! HIS HAMMER! He kicks the unicorns sides furiously. The unicorn starts grazing right next to where his hammer was. NOW YOU DECIDE TO STAND STILL! ARGHH ***Cough cough Choke* **He thinks he swallowed some glitter. . .


	3. Chapter 3

Ahh His hair! The Ladys are pulling his hair! Jarems hand puppets snap and nip at the lady's ever pulling arms. The chandelier had crashed to the floor in a destroyed heap. Meanwhile Jarem was grabbed and pulled into every picture at once. . . . he feels kind of . . .straaange. So now their pulling his hair . . .He wonders at the reality of all this. Who gets pulled into pictures by women? Of course he hasn't noticed how odd his hand puppets are . . . The Ladys are quite stoic while they poke and pull . . . Welp he might as well make the best of this. He smiles at them all. A very loving smile. :) They toss him out the picture frames. He smacks heads with his 14 other selves, and the uh, broken chandelier. . . . ow thats gonna bruise. This could be bad . . . oh no! OH NO STOP ! HAND PUPPET FIGHT!AAAAAAAHHHHHHH . . . . they are very territorial . . .

What is Lara gonna do with a hat? she can't very well eat it . Or read with it. Or use it to bathe with . . . . wait. . . I suppose she could do atleast that . . . Might as well use the items that you drag out of walls right? Lara strips out of her clothes. Eww they smell like moldy cave. Lara rubs the hat up and down the wet walls, then starts washing. Shes a bit paranoid about the freak on the other side of the wall. She moves away from that wall. And If he bursts through like the hulk. . . well that's nothing Lara can't handle. Even when she's butt naked.

Herc pancakes coming right up! Well thats what it seems like to Herc anyway. Ares probably ordered breakfast takeout or something. Or Dahak. Or Callisto. Or countless other people who would immensly enjoy some Herc pancakes. They'd be fluffy. But hes sure them evil ones wont mind some Herc hair in their Herc pancakes. Water shoots out from under the Herc butt and propels Herc . . .Right THROUGH the ceiling. He is now shooting up a pipe. Quite fast. There still might be some Herc pancakes afterall. . .He bursts up through another fountain and up and up and up Herc goes. Herc is not stopping his uppness. Herc is upping through clouds even. Hes a wet Herc. Then Herc begins the descent. Falling, Falling, Falling. OOmf!. . . . . . he didn't land yet that was just the cloud hitting him in the face. . . . Falling, Falling, Falling, and ***POW*** Landing. In a lovely Grassy park too! Good for Herc!

Iolaus told Orestes not to eat it. but did he listen? NO! Iolaus thinks the clover looks good but . . . eating clover? really? hes gonna save room for that Philly cheese steak he just KNOWS he's gonna find. Maybe around this corner? Nope. This one? Nope. But anyway. . . what did Orestes get from it? Attacked thats what! from some delusional freak! Iolaus was going to go into the valley but as he watched Orestes' limp body being dragged off by some bloodied up man beast. . . he thought he might search his little area for some man food instead. Juuuust in case he missed a corner or two. . . . . . you can forget eating clover. He's not gonna eat his greens. you crazy? He wonders where Hercules is. Probably warm and dry someplace. . . probably has a lady too. . .Iolaus feels some envy coming on.

Ares is now the prisoner. . . . Before he could make an epic grab for his belt, Thing one and Thing two appeared to help Thing three! Ares is not contained as you might think. They have him in a circle lock. Everytime he tries to move by the Tris they move closer together blocking him. . . and they won't give him his belt! Atleast they could do that much! They are simply playing dumb games with him! Ares has no patience for dumb games. Ares plows through them. Ares falls down a chasm. When did this chasm get here? Ever since he plowed over the Tris. . . Ares knows that is not a coincidence. . . Curse them!

Iolaus II is content that noone is eating his clover anymore. He took care of that. He also spotted another rabbit in there! It looked kind of scared. . . he wonders why . . . .None of the intruder was wasted. Rabbit has a full tummy, Drol has new bone swords, and Filella has new boots! thats good. But what does Iolaus II have? Confusion. Iolaus II is looking for his hat. He lost it while clover grazing. Silly Iolaus II! Now he must find it all by himself. Or maybe stick puppet will help. And whats this red stuff all over him? must be berry juice. . . .

Loki is being zapped. Zap. Zap. Zap. Loki falls all the way through now. Zap. Zap. Loki will make the idiot pay for the zapping. He certainly will! But all Loki sees is ZAPs in his face. Loki is zapped through an archway. The Zapping stops. Everything stops. Time stops. Loki sees a chance at revenge and he will take it! and he will not be overly slow about it! he will take it now while he can. Loki approaches the idiot, who is frozen in time with his Zaps. Loki sees oppurtunity. What can he do to this frozen idiot? First he will start by rubbing the stink off of himself.

Oops Strife Zapped a bit too hard there. Strife zapped the legs away through an archway. Uh oh. He can't move now! He can smell the fury coming out of the arch . . . wait no thats just stinky swamp smell. Ew. What would Unc do? Strife curses the legs and whoever they carry! He'd make a face at them too, But his face won't move. Now the legs looks at him with a vengeance, like they see oppurtunity or something. . . . Strife is getting rubbed on now. He's gonna smell real bad real soon and there's nothing he can do about it.

Dahak is not daunted by the man on the unicorn. A unicorn of all things. And a shimmering gold glittery unicorn at that! HA Even if he was persued, which he is not, He has the hammer either way and he is not going to give it back. Now about this cursed glitter! He has finally escaped his glitter prison JUST TO BRING IT ALONG WITH HIM! It is still magically raining down. There is no shaking it off. He can see the man on the unicorn from here. He's having a fit. The unicorn is leaping and prancing. HA Dahak curses them both and hoped they sufficate. The fact is that this lame hammer is useless to Dahak, he only wants it to make the man angry. Its good amusement. Maybe Dahak will give it to his daughter as a birthday present.

***BAM!* **The fountain explodes. Good thing snake was army crawling under one of the grandmas at the time. The grandma got water blasted in the face and went flinging. Luckily Snake just got grazed by her chihuahua as it got dragged along with her. Water is flooding the park now. Snake must find something to float on. And no he's not gonna use a grandma. Whats that over there flat on the flooding grass? Is that a pancake? YUm tastey. Snake hasn't had breakfast yet.

Lone ranger found a new hat In the name of justice! Justice must have brought it to him. He didn't really think about how it got here, only that it looks like a red jester hat, and he looks mighty fine in it. Not that he can see himself of course. He just knows that. Or thinks that . . . whatever. For some odd reason he is drawn to the wall. He feels that there is something on the other side that he would want to see. . . . And that he shouldn't be seeing. . . He wonders if Lara is ok in there. Maybe he should burst through like the hulk and make sure.

Silently feeding the bird. That is what is going on in the dried up room. Tontos once unnoticed pond is now so dry it begins to crack and crumble. Dust falls on his head. He doesn't know what to do with it so he uses it as birdseed. Tonto feels this in a peaceful existence compared to some other souls out there. He feels people getting ripped apart and eaten, people getting harassed by glitter, Harassed by their own hands, and harassed by hags with chainsaws, poked, rubbed on, zapped, hit in the face with chihuahuas, pancaked, stalked by Tris, stuck to unicorns, hog tied to statues, charged at, drowned, He also feels a women bathing . . . He does not regret feeling that one.

The Amazons are sitting on Jack. The statue floats. They have climbed up and of all the places they could sit, they sit upon his face. It could be worse. Then it is. Some guy climbs up and sits on him too. The Amazons are hostile. The guy trys to calm them, then reverts to throwing mud. The Amazons scowl at him as he dives off into the water and escapes them. Maybe he had too much rum. Nah . . . there's never too much rum. Uh oh. The statue is rolling. The Amazons simply crawl with it. Jack holds his breath.

Macgyver had pocketed some sand just in case. He swims over to the Statue and climbs up. He sits on the women whos hog tied. Must be some kind of coming of age ritual of something. Macgyver won't try to understand tribal behavior. He pats his pocket. It mushes. Ew the sand is mud now. . . of course he knew that would happen . . . he did. . .really. . .Woah they are being hostile. . .and the tied one is staring . . almost like he's documenting everything Mac does. . . Creepy. . . He tries to calm the women. He has a feeling you somehow knew he was gonna do that . . .Whaoh HOSTILE WOMEN!he throws the mud at them and dives. So that didn't go as planned. Whatever he's not superman. OH WHATS that what is that! A power has come over him! HE REALLY IS SUPERMAN! WOW WOAH WO- wait no. That was just the tidal wave forming from that poor man who belly flopped into the water from thin air over there. . . and a chainsaw . . . .No superman. Would make things easier tho. Oh would you look at that, the statue rolled over. . .poor women.

Balder just finished dramatically healing his way out of his situation. He healed the Hags mind and now she loves life. He kept telling her he really had no use for a chainsaw but she insisted. So he took it and watched her skip off. . . then become all arthritic and keel over. . . . well he guesses he could of done a better job of healing her. . . He puts the chainsaw down. He really doesn't need a chainsaw. The ground swallows it up. good riddance chainsaw! Balder walks around the bend. The exit! it's there! What a beautiful exit! Except for all the thorn bushes blocking it. All he needs now is a chainsaw. . . . . . . . . . . . . .Dang.

ARGH ONCE I GET MY HAMMER BACK YOUR FINISHED! the unicorn had started leaping the god forsaken leap again. It prances and leaps all around. Thor was not just talking to the unicorn. He was also talking to the monster who TOOK HIS HAMMER! His hammer is no TOY! It's not to be messed with, its not for decoration, and it's certainly not A BIRTHDAY PRESENT! The unicorn chases its frilly gold shimmering tail. Once he gets this beast moving, he'll catch that monster and take his hammer back and THEN maybe offer HIM up a unicorn to have a nice long ride on. Wouldn't that be fun? Give him some UNRELENTING TORTURE for a while. No better punishment Thor thinks. . . . . . . . . . . STOP CHASING YOUR GOD FORSAKEN TAIL!


End file.
